WE ARE YOUNG

"Remember, your destiny isn't written in stone. It's written in sand...and the wind is always blowing & shifting."-- Anonymous

I accompanied my younger sister in her pre-grad orientation yesterday. We took some photos at Intramuros and ate some Japanese fast food afterwards.

It's amazing how time flies. It seems just yesterday when I attended her freshmen orientation as well and all of a sudden she's already one semester away from fulfilling her dream of being a nurse. Kids grow up really fast! Haha! Do I sound like a sentimental mother?

Shocks, this made me feel old. I can say I'm really not that old yet but I'm no longer young either. What's definite is I don't always act (and look-do you agree?say Yes or else...) my age. It's because I want to believe that age is just a number and young is an attitude. We can stay young for as long as we want right? ;)

Tonight

We are young

So let's set the world on fire

We can burn brighter than the sun

P.S. Sorry for the random quote. I just find it striking. Sands of time. Prince of Persia. WoW. Don't mind me.  :)
P.P.S. We Are Young by Fun. Glee did a cover of this song! Awesome! Glee is not that bad after all. ;)

RISE UP TAKE THE POWER BACK

"The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side."-- Julien Smith

I've been obsessing over multi-colored hair for about a month now. Purple, aquamarine, white, pink, blue, black; these colors remind me of unicorns, fairies and cotton candies. They're so so so lovely! The only thing that's stopping me from trying it out is fear. Fear of not being able to get a job; fear of being judged by people; fear of disappointing my Mom and family; fears that have paralyzed me for almost my entire life.

Fears that I've created. I'm the one who made these fears ergo I am more powerful than them. I should be the one taking control of my life and not them.

I've chosen to begin a new life. I know it's as petrifying as jumping off a cliff without any harness but I won't let it stop me from doing what I want and what I can. I would jump off with eyes wide open and I am going to enjoy every second of it. To hell with what's waiting for me at the bottom. I won't give a fuck.

If you could flick a switch and open your third eye

You'd see that we should never be afraid to die

**All photos from weheartit.com

BLEEP

I'm blogging in my fone for the first time. I don't know if this would work. You tell me. Anyway, I just saw Breaking Dawn earlier with my sister. I must say it's great because there wasn't a point in the movie wherein I felt sleepy. Unlike in Eclipse wherein I stared blankly, half-awake half-asleep, at the giant screen  trying to make sense out of the moving objects.

I actually won premiere tickets last Friday from an online magazine contest but I decided to give it to a friend because my mood got a little bit off that day. I've been a bit irritable these past few days and I can tell that I'm not ok not just by the way I've been thinking and feeling lately but by the way I eat as well. I've been eating like a pig. Seriously, I think I consume an average of more or less 5000 calories a day for the last 3 days. I wouldn't be surprised if I could just barely force myself inside my pants tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, I'm scheduled for a final interview at the hospital tom. If ever I would be back to work after 6mos of dormancy. Wishmeluck! :)

LIFE IS NOT UNFAIR

“Artists use lies to tell the truth. Yes, I created a lie. But because you believed it, you found something true about yourself.” ― Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

Digging My Own Grave by Lissy Elle

Life is not unfair. It is TOO UNFAIR. Why does someone who's been good all his/her life gets cancer while a bad guy who does nothing but trouble stays healthy? Why do people get bulimic/anorexic while others are dying everyday from starvation? Why do people live and some die? How can we afford to buy expensive clothes and the latest gadgets while others don't even have a penny to buy food? I'm so full of Hows and Whys. I feel so bad because of the lack of fairness and equality in this life.


"Just think of the good things in your life and how lucky you are to have a better life than others. Then you'll start to feel good again."


How? 
Tell me, do you feel better if you know that someone is in a worse condition than you are in? 
Because I don't. 
I can't.


I could no longer enjoy eating because I know that somewhere a lot of people are starving; I can't focus on studying because I feel guilty by the thought that a lot of kids who are more willing and deserving can't go to school because of poverty; I can't sleep well at night because I know somewhere there's a homeless kid who sleeps in a cold street; I'm afraid to fall in love because I know I could hurt someone who's been dreaming and wishing for that person; I can't laugh at a joke and enjoy things whole-heartedly when I know that somewhere someone is grieving from a loss and suffering from a disease.


If I haven't learned that the world is round, I would have thought that it is a triangle or a pyramid. Only a few gets on the top and weren't able to get there without stepping on someone. We can never be happy without making someone unhappy. We can't love without suffering. Someone always needs to be at the bottom.


I'm often asked why I wanted so much to die. My answer is simple: I saw the joke that is this life. But I have no choice but to continue ignoring it. I have to force myself everyday to be part of that joke. For as long as I am in this life, I have to do that in order to survive.  And don't dare tell me that I'm just not "living" my life to the fullest. I am definitely not inclined to "living" for all we need to do is just selfishly exist and selfishly fight for survival. That's why I wanted so much to escape this life. I want to save myself while there's still something left to save in me. But I can't just do that. I can't just save myself alone for I feel obliged to grab as many as I can.


No matter what bull shits religion, psychologists, counselors, media, etc.  tries to feed us, they can't forever hide the fact that life fuckin' sucks.This life is full of selfishness and I hate it. I hate it even more because I  feel like my hands are tied. I just pretend to be brave but in reality I am scared. I'm so scared because I have seen the true face of life. So scared that sometimes I wish (and pretend) I haven't seen it yet.


It is not true that the light of truth is blinding for we are all born blinds. We are just taught how to get by as we got older. We're all just grasping blindly at anything: politics, religion, music, arts, food, everything which will fall apart eventually. It's just nice to know that we have a choice of what to grab.


Faith? Faith in itself involves blindness, because it requires you to continue walking through life by trusting that some mythical force is guiding you. Truth? Truth hurts and scares us that many prefers to deny it. Life, Reality, Faith, Happiness. They're all the same. Just ideas that only exist on our minds therefore they are all intangible. Everything is random. Has no pattern whatsoever save for what we imagine. No meaning except for what we choose to impose.


Who am I to say these things? I am nobody. Yes, I know nothing. But think about it, after all we are not too different from each other, are we? We all just play our roles without knowing where will the show end and when will the curtains be drawn. As per Dr. Manhattan: "We are all puppets. I'm just a puppet who can see the  strings."

P.S. If this post made you feel bad, I'm sorry. If you want (if you haven't yet) you can see the movie "Watchmen" and "V for Vendetta". They're two of my favorite movies. It can help you understand a lot of things I'm talking about (or get you in a worse mood than you had after reading this). It's your call. ;)

AN ATHEIST STARTS TO PRAY

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” -- Liz Gilbert

EAT. I don't really fear my own death but the mere thought of the possible death of a loved one scares me like hell. After going through her recent post I couldn't believe what I just read. No, I don't want to believe it. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to force myself to wake up from this nightmare. When I opened my eyes I realized that this is not a dream. I couldn't stop the tears anymore and before I knew the tears turned to a full blown hysteria with uncontrollable sobs and all (even my nose was crying). I don't know why I am being this emotional. I don't know her personally but I feel for her. I love her. The day I found her blog, I felt close to her immediately. She gave me something to look forward to everyday. She made me feel less alone. She made me feel alive. I wish I can help her but I know what she's going through now is beyond my control. I don't want to look back to this day and say: "I should have done something" either so even though it's hard for me  to throw my beliefs outside the window, I would. I'm going to eat my pride.

PRAY. For the first time in a long time, I started praying to God. I talked to him with all my heart, like real praying.

"Dear God, I don't know if you can hear me or if you would still want to listen to me after all I've done to you. I know you might not believe me but I am sorry. I really am. And I am not saying sorry just because I want to ask for something (maybe I am, a little). I want to ask not only for your forgiveness but for your help as well. I just found out that my dear Annika was diagnosed with cancer and there's nothing else I could do for her but to ask for your help. She needs you. We need you. I know I didn't ask for your help when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer too and I really regret that. I want to set things straight now. I am thankful for everything most especially for letting me meet a very wonderful and lovely creation of yours which is Annika. She helped me through a lot and even brought me back to you and for that I'll be forever grateful. Please heal her and give her more years here on earth so she may continue inspiring not only me but more people. I know you are a very loving and forgiving God and you will not do anything that is not for our own good. Please forgive me and give me the strength to believe in your will through your grace. And if it's not too much to ask, please don't take her with you yet. Amen."


LOVE. In the end, only love remains.

WHERE'S THE POT OF GOLD?

                    


I want to write about so many things but my functional brain is just not in cooperative mode these past few days, I guess. Or maybe I'm just not in the mood. I'm feeling a little emo tonight because I didn't win some tickets for the premiere screening of Breaking Dawn. Sigh.  :((


There were only 15 entries yet I wasn't even able to get a consolation prize? Water the flowers?! What happened to me? I used to be so good in anything that has to do with luck when I was younger (I used to get a lot of chicks and ducklings in a raffle cart outside our school) Hmmn...maybe my powers had diminished as I grew older. Oh well, better luck next time. 


Oops, I almost forgot about the picture and song above. I took this (with an ipod. Sorry but that's just the only device with a cam I had left. All my gadgets were already dead that time because I forgot to bring chargers with me. Epic Fail!) when we were on our way back to Manila from our Batangas trip last month. There was a light drizzle and I was just staring blankly outside the window when something on the distant horizon caught my eye; a rainbow! I started yelling (as if I haven't seen one before): "Look! Look! A RAINBOW!!!" I know I might sound childish but who cares, care bear??? Hah! I just love rainbows! For me they symbolize a promise of hope that there's always a beautiful day waiting for you no matter how dark and gloomy your life may be right now. As the song said: "There's a rainbow always after the rain" I think the picture just proved this true.  :)


Let's see if tomorrow there'll be a rainbow that would help me put my thoughts into words. For now, I'll try to get some sleep with my 3 loyal bedfellows: my almost 2-year-old phone, netbook and ipod. How about you? What (or who) are you sleeping with?

BABY, I'M A WILD THING

Jeenee aka Ibexossatigerfly (I change it a bit cos I think this sounds cooler)

WHAT'S WILD ABOUT ME: 
Ibex horns - Your Ibex horns can grow up to three feet long. Unlike antlers, which are shed every year, you get to keep your Ibex horns for life. 
Fossa Ears - Your fossa ears are a hunter's best friend. They can help you track down your favorite snack...lemurs.
Monarch butterfly wings - Your monarch butterfly wings can beat five times per second. Can you flap your arms five times in one second?
Siberian tiger tail - Your Siberian tiger tail is a four-foot-long aerodynamic masterpiece. It helps keep your balance when you're running. Just like a spoiler on the back of a race car.


I made this awesome avatar in this really cool and fun site called Build Your Wild Self. It is a site made by the Wildlife Conservation Society and New York Zoos and Aquarium to raise awareness about endangered animals. If you're an animal lover (and childish like me!) you must visit this site. Let your inner child loose and go wild here! Enjoy!

A SERIES OF (UN)FORTUNATE EVENTS 11/11/11

"Worrying is STUPID. It's like walking around with an umbrella, waiting for it to rain."-- Wiz Khalifa

That Dark Cloud That Follows You Everywhere by Lissy Elle

Hello. I'm still alive. Sorry. I feel so sorry about my previous post. I'm a little embarrassed about the way I acted (and felt) that day.  Though my actions were perfectly normal for my condition (I think so), I knew I needed time to sort out my thoughts and feelings to know whether they were valid or irrational. After a lot of thinking (and talks and meditations), I realized that maybe I'm indeed worrying too much about so many things which are most of the time just superficial. I know I shouldn't worry  about everything especially about the things I have no control with. Instead, I should try to focus more on things that I can change. (Yes! GV come to Momma!)

Anyway, today (I mean, yesterday. I got late in posting this so it's now a Saturday. 11-11-11 post fail!) is November 11, 2011 or 111111! Isn't it cool? Some say that you can make a wish today and it will come true. There are also others who believe that this is a very unlucky day. I don't care, for me it's just an ordinary day which happened to be numerically awesome. It's because I believe that there's no such thing as fortunate or unfortunate. Ultimately, we are the masters of our own fate. We can turn any bad day to a lucky one if we work hard enough. For no baffle awaits a diligent man as luck waits not for a loafer. (Watdapakisdat?! I dunno either)

Our  2011 Xmas Tree

On a lighter note, I would like to share a pic of our Christmas tree which I've put up all by myself (Yay!) yesterday (while listening to All I Want for Christmas is You on loop. haha) I can't believe there are only 43 days left until Christmas! Are you excited? Because I'm really not, I am just in love with Christmas trees!

WEDNESDAYS

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"-- Morrie Schwartz

from Lissy Elle's photostream on Flickr

My sister is already on her last semester in college and we just found out that she had lost her scholarship. We were discussing about the possible solutions earlier but we just ended up arguing on who's at fault. Then it came to a point where I felt like my Mom was blaming me for being useless by not having a job. She might have not told me exactly but I know (and felt) what she meant entirely. I just pretended that I was not affected but when I went to bed, I started crying like hell. 


I love them so much but I hate them for not being able to understand. No, I hate myself more for not loving them enough. Maybe if I love them enough, I could help them. All I have to do is get a job, earn money, help my family, help myself then everyone would live happily ever after. I hope everything is just that easy. How I wish I can just bounce back to normal again, but I can't. I've tried hard and God (if there really is a God who sees everything) knows how hard I did but I just can't.


I know it's not just my condition. It is something else rooted way deeply. I've been digging around for answers for quite some time now but I always end up digging at the wrong spot. But I very well know now the reason why I can't find the answers: it's because I am protecting them. 


I've tried to hide so many emotions I had in the past and so they grew inside me. I've protected these emotions so hard for so long that they've planted their roots so deeply that it's now impossible to pull them out. I used to be so strong to hold them in but they've taken everything I had; they are now stronger and wiser than me. They're now angry, hungry and won't stop haunting me. They're so eager to get loose and I'm no longer strong to fight them.  I have no choice but to get lost in this never ending chase.


I don't know what's right and what's real anymore (you're right-I got it from Lily Allen). I'm so numb. All I want to do is to feel again but the only escape I see is for me to leave this world. I want to cry, to shout and to scream for help but I'm alone. No one can  help me, not when I can't even help myself. Not until I stop being a wuss by protecting them under my false pretenses.


I'm so sick and tired of all these pretensions. I want to run and scream and tell everyone that I'm not everything they thought I was; I'm not different; I'm not strong, I'm not happy, I'm not careful, I'm not selfless, I'm not brave, I'm not wise. All I want to be is be anyone else but me: I want to be normal, I want to be weak, I want to be sad, I want to be careless, I want to be selfish, I want to be dumb, I want to be a coward, I want to feel, I want to live...for once. I want to die so I can learn how to live.

LET'S CHICKEN OUT

from http://www.flickr.com/photos/pawawa/

Today, I decided to apply for a job at the mall near our place. There were already a lot of people at the lobby when I arrived. After signing on the log sheet, I realized that I forgot to bring a pen. (Darn it!) So, I rushed out to buy one at the bookstore. I know you think that I should've just borrowed from someone but I'm not really fond of borrowing things unless I don't have any options left and besides I'm not comfortable in talking to strangers. After a few minutes, I came back and filled out the forms then  submitted them with my resume. I sat and waited among other applicants. I was so nervous. My hands were so sweaty that I swear you can squeeze out a few drops of sweat from my hanky (Eew! that's gross, IKR. Peace) I was just able to relax after taking down 3 pills for my anxiety (it usually just takes 1 to calm me down).While waiting for the processing, I received a text message from my sister telling me that the hospital I applied to 2 weeks ago just called and was asking if I'm still interested to pursue my application. In my mind I was like: "Darn! I forgot to bring my pen earlier and now this? Is it fate telling me that I shouldn't have gone here in the first place?" I don't want to sound so superstitious but I'm just super superstitious. So without further thinking, I stood up and walked away. I chickened out. :( 


WAHH!!! Why do I always chicken out whenever I get faced with these kind of adversities? I don't know. I just hope I did not made the wrong decision (again) by running away (again).With the Christmas season fast approaching, I really need to get a life. I badly need a job outside home to keep me busy so that I won't get too affected by my stupid SAD. I don't know if getting a job will help get my life back and make me happy (I really hope so) but I want to be able to say: At least, I'm not as sad as I used to be.

**Chicken Little photos from Google Images

JUST ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY

I just received a message from a wonderful person I admire. I'm amazed how much simple words can make such a huge impact on me. I'm so happy!  I felt like my head is gonna explode. I had to get off the computer and rush to the comforts of the comfort room because I couldn't contain myself; I was crying and laughing at the same time (that's how crazy I am). And if it wasn't already past midnight I think I would even run out the door and make a 1k marathon around our village without getting fatigue! I feel great! I feel like I can do anything! I don't know if this is another manic episode (it is most probably) but I don't care. I miss this feeling. I'm happy and I want to enjoy it while it lasts.


So in line (or should I say way out of line?) with this manic episode, I would like to share some of the music I like with the Better 30 Day Music Challenge. I already did a similar challenge in FB religiously last June but because I'm a manic  rule-breaker, instead of posting one song per day I would finish this list in one sitting! Are you ready? Let's do this!


Day 1 - A song you would make your personal anthem if you took over the world

I'm not sure about me taking over the world but I would love this song to be my personal anthem.

Day 2 - A song you play to make people think you have taste

You can never go wrong with a Beatles' song!



Day 3 - A song that makes you bob your head

I find it hard not to rock out whenever I hear this. Plus I can also sing all the lyrics to this song without fail! I only do it in the shower though ;)

Day 4 - A good song to have sex to

This song just gives me sexy vibes :)



Day 5 - A song with deep lyrics

I'm not sure if this is a deep song but its lyrics touches me deep enough.



Day 6 - A song that makes you want to dance around like an idiot with people watching

Yeah! I'm a B! :D



Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a lost love

It's been over one year, six months now but I'm still falling into memories of you whenever I hear this.



Day 8 - A song from a show/concert you've been to (sorry, to which you've been)

I saw them in concert here in Manila last March'10 and this was the last song they played. Parapa-Parapa-papa! It rocked big time!



Day 9 - A song you would play to torture enemy combatants

Cos I feel like dying whenever I hear this song. This is the greatest torture for mankind! Sorry JB fans.



Day 10 - A song that can pick you up out of a bad mood

Try not to smile while listening to this. I bet you can't :)



Day 11 - A song that can kill a good mood
Hmmmn...is there such a song? Wait, I think it would be the same as #9.



Day 12 - A song that reminds you of a good friend

I don't really like this band (one of my best friends loves them so much. I wonder why?) but this is what I love the most from them.



Day 13 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

This song makes me sad and happy; Just like the feeling of death.



Day 14 - A "sit alone in the dark with candles and a bottle of wine" song (you know you have one)

I have no idea what "sit alone in the dark with candles and a bottle of wine" means but this song is what I listen to when I sit alone in the dark.



Day 15 - A song you are embarrassed to admit you used to like

I can't believe I went gaga over this band. Gaaah! I'm so embarrassed I want to start living under a rock.



Day 16 - A song you are embarrassed to admit you currently like

I'm not really embarassed that I like this song. It's just that its lyrics somewhat depicts violence. What do you think?



Day 17 - A song you play to seduce someone

This song makes me ooze with confidence! That's pure seduction ;)



Day 18 - A song that reminds you of your childhood

Which spice were you? :)



Day 19 - A song that lifts your soul

Only if you want to, you can find a way :)



Day 20 - A song that makes you nostalgic

Never fails to make me reminisce.



Day 21 - A song that confirms people's suspicions that you are a weirdo

I don't know why but I'm in love with Karen Carpenter's voice! If that makes me a weirdo then I am glad to be one.



Day 22 - A song that makes you wish you could play an instrument

This song (Ikaw Lamang or Only You from Silent Sanctuary, a local band) makes me want to take violin lessons.

Day 23 - A song that makes you wish you could sing

I'm a frustrated rapper. I wish I can rap this good but I get out of breath so easily. Sigh. Boo for having weak lungs and asthma!



Day 24 - You're favorite mushy love song

I don't think this is really mushy but this is the mushiest song I can think of. I fell in love with it even more when it became an OST of Grey's Anatomy.



Day 25 - A song to play at your wedding

Moulin Rouge is just so magical and powerful. I can watch this movie several times in loop and still cry each time.



Day 26 - A song that makes you want to punch someone in the face

Hmmmn...this one is hard. I'm not that violent so I just chose a song that I listen to when I'm angry.



Day 27 - A song that gets stuck in your head

I used to solely listen to this song on my way to work-which is almost a 2-hour drive!

Day 28 - A song that deserves to be on the radio but is not

This is such a feel good song! I wish everyone will be able to hear it.

Day 29 - A song that sums you up as a person

I'm sick but I'm pretty yeah!



Day 30 - Your favorite song ever (or right now)

I still don't know why I love this song so much but I just love it. Love is like that isn't it? There's no reason, you just feel it.




Wheew! That's it! It's quite long but that was fun! You can give this a try too and don't forget to let me know once you do. I'd love to know your interesting answers as well. Have a good one!

A BONER FOR YOU

I seriously am having a boner for Lissy Elle's photography. I am so glad to stumble upon her on Elle's tumblr! Also, she have such AHHMAZIING photoshopping skills! Gaaaah!!! I can't get enough of her! I just thought I should share this fascination because if I don't I think I'd go  crazy (as if I could get any crazier than I already am). Okay, I need to go back to DL-ing her photos (ssshhh! let's keep that our secret, okay? pinky swear?) to my "secret/boner/inspirations" folder. Hope you have a goodnight or good morning or whatever, I just wish you have a good one! 'Cos I'm definitely having one *wink-wink* :)

**all photos are from Lissy Elle's flickr

BULLYING A BULLY

"In that final look, does the deer forgive the wolf?"

Me and my sister were watching PBB the other day and somebody said that he experienced a lot of bullying all his life and it made him the tough person he is today . I immediately said: "There's nothing special about that. That's normal. Everybody got bullied even just once in their life." My sister then said: "Really? I can never imagine you as the one being bullied. You've always been the bully." I just kept my silence and directed my eyes on the screen in my attempt to get my mind back on the show but instead it took me back to my own nightmares of bullying.


I may appear to be a strong and lone wolf now but believe me, I know what it feels like to be the lamb (or deer-or better yet the prey). A big part of who I am today rooted from my experience of being bullied as a kid.


I can't really remember everything exactly. Maybe it was so traumatic and shameful that my brain decided to do me a favor by erasing those memories but it was considerate enough to leave me blurry ones just in case I might need them again someday (that sounds like a song, eh? Music & Lyrics! Haha! I seriously find it hard to be serious. Okay, let's get back to serious mode) This might make you doubt my story but I must tell you, I am telling the truth and nothing but the truth (no, it's not "so help me God") because I still get the same feeling-fear,disgust,shame,the works- whenever I try to think about those memories, much more when I talk (or should I say write?) about it.


What I remember was when it all started. I was in kindergarten at a prestige catholic school and this "rich-kid" girl classmate of mine was the culprit. I don't know what I did to piss her off but she did piss on me. Maybe it was because I am not a "rich-kid" like her; I didn't have the coolest school things (like the Hello Kitty stuff she had), I always had "baon"(pack lunch or snack) because I didn't always have school money to buy food at the canteen, I wore hand-me down uniforms, I was not nice and tidy at all times because my Mom was too busy working to pay our tuition fees plus I didn't have a "yaya", etc. The list might go on forever but I seriously didn't have a clue what I did to deserve such hate and isolation. I remember being on the playground alone; on the swing with nobody to push me, always on the bottom of the teeter board with hopes, but no chance, to be on top. The bullying became worse that I started writing down "No classes tomorrow" in my assignment notebook just to make an excuse not to go to school (What? Kinder pa lang ako ayoko na agad pumasok?!lol). My Mom was furious when she found out that I was lying but I didn't dare tell her what I was going through for I know that she have much bigger problems than mine. So I just taught myself to endure everything in the hope that one day it'll all be over.

After pre-school, we moved to another place and I was transferred to a new school. I was so happy and excited to have a new life in elementary school with high hopes that I could finally be freed from bullies. But I was wrong; it was the same nightmare I thought I've escaped from, only in a different place with different people. I started asking myself: "What's so wrong with me to deserve all these things?" Then I thought maybe I was not the problem; maybe it was the school that I'm in. But transferring won't solve the problem anymore because I felt like I've had enough of private catholic school shits. Homeschooling wasn't an option either (I'm not a "rich-kid" remember?) So I've tried to come up with a better solution.


After 4 years, I finally convinced my Mom to transfer me to a public school. I learned to be a loner ever since. I preferred to do things alone and tried everything to be under the radar. And in high school, I decided to raise the changes I've made in me up a notch. I wanted to be strong, independent, and able to be so tough that no one will ever think about messing with me. I became successful and felt like everything has finally fallen in their rightful places. I was bully-free atlast!

Yeah, baby! (insert Hallelujah song here)

Little did I know that the reason why I was finally free from bullying was because I became a bully myself. Though I have never hurt anyone physically, I know that I did a lot of things that hurt many emotionally. I became too engrossed on feeling good about myself without taking regard of other people's feelings.


I felt bad and sorry not only for those I've hurt but for myself as well. I don't really want to regret everything I've been through for it made me who I am today but if there's one thing I wish I should have done, it is to speak up. From all those things, I've learned that to ask for help was never a sign of weakness but rather of strength.


If you've been/you are the deer, try to forgive and understand the wolf. But remember that it's never alright to keep quiet and just let somebody treat you like a doormat. You should stand up and tell the bully to stop. If he/she does not listen to you or if you're too scared to speak up, you can always tell someone your problem and ask for their help. Speaking up against a bully sure takes a lot of courage but it's something that needs to be done. For if you don't speak up now your problem won't be solved no matter how much you wish for it to just magically disappear. Even the slightest sign of bullying should not be ignored and needs to be addressed immediately. Because if  you'll just choose to endure everything the bully will think that it's just okay for you to be his/her toy. And if worse come to worse, one day you'll just realize that you've already turned into the problem as well; then the cycle of bullying will just keep on turning.

You're not going anywhere-no matter how long, fast and hard you run.

And if you think or feel like you've become the wolf (like me or you might know someone who might be), it's never too late to forgive yourself and stop being one. And if you are neither the wolf nor a deer- then you must be an alien. Haha! JK- that doesn't mean you need not do anything. You too, should speak up. If you suspect that someone you know is suffering/has suffered from bullying or is/was a bully, be a friend and offer your help even if they're not asking for it.


To succeed in making the wheels (of bullying) turn does not make one a strong person. The real strong person is the one who takes the courage to make it stop. Just keep in mind that the Golden Rule does not exist for no reason and that we have the power to make a choice- I've made mine, isn't it about time to make yours?

because karma is a bitch.

**All photos are from Google Images.