It's not really a horror movie because I didn't scream nor did I do anything gay at any point while watching it. It's weird but I find it really frightening.
You know that kind of fear that makes you sweat beads as big as gum balls. The kind of fear that gets your heart pounding so heavily you feel like throwing up. That feeling right after you wake up from a very bad dream but then you realized that you're still in the same dream. Yeah, I got that kind of fear from this movie. But why? I'm just weird, that's why. Really now, I think it's basically because I see a lot of myself in Kevin...and it scares me.
Like him, I've been torturing my mother all my life. Well, just mostly if I must say. My whole life just seem to be about jeering her to the limits. Why? I don't know. I just do it. I think she sees me as the black sheep of the family because she just can't seem to find a way to fix me. I sometimes think that she must really hate me and just says she loves me for the sake of being a mother to me. She always assume that her motherly love can magically transform everything. Well, except me.
Then, does she begin to think that it's her fault, somehow?
Does she ever wish she have never given birth to me in the first place?
Am I like Kevin- detached, unemotional, uncaring, psychotic?
Does our actions spring from nowhere, or are they somehow prefigured?
Are we born evil, or did our mother made us this way?
The mere thought of finding the answers to these questions gets my heart racing. From where? Is it from fear? Or is it from excitement? I used to think I knew, now I'm not so sure.
I think I know how that is, I haven't seen the movie but I have never had an easy relationship with my parents. when i was younger i did some research into the whole school shooting thing and how it is usually people who are made to feel like freaks by their parents and or other kids. I know how that feels cause I have often been treated like that. i felt that while i could not justify their actions, i understood why they did it, that helplessness and misery. I could understand their pain.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually based on a novel by Lionel Shriver. You might want to check it out before watching the movie cause I know you love books. It's a little bit disturbing but over all it's a great story.
DeleteAnd yeah when i watch things where i identify with characters really deeply I also get a racing heart. It makes me feel really weird. some movies just take me right back to that teenage angst.
ReplyDeleteIncrease the size of the font, if you don't mind. It'll be easier to read.
ReplyDeleteNo I don't. I just changed it to normal. Hopefully that'll be easier to read now. Thank you for your feedback. :)
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