THERE IS NOTHING AS EASY/LUCKY/FREE

This is kind of a late post. Last week I went to our province for my cousin/godchild's (FYI: I'm not really her godmother. She just calls me Ninang because I happen to have the same name as her "true" Ninang, so there) 7th birthday celebration.  I didn't want to come at first cause I'm feeling lethargic (as always), but after a lot of ramblings from my Mom and sister and because of my insatiable love for icings (the icing on cakes in our province are the most divine!), I finally gave in.

It was a typical children's party: food, cake, balloons, gifts, games, clowns and everything. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Knowing myself, how I hate going to parties and anything "ordinary", I was sure I was going to regret coming. But surprisingly, I did enjoy. Okay so it wasn't really the actual party itself that I enjoyed but the realizations and nostalgia that it brought me.

The life of my relatives in the province is so simple, yet I don't see them lurking in sadness about their situation. They don't have much but they seem to be happy. Unlike me, who may not have everything but definitely have more than enough; I still find many reasons not to be happy. So why am I unhappy? What's wrong with me? 

After giving much thought, I realized that maybe I am not really unhappy. I'm just not thankful and appreciative enough of what I have (or don't have) like them.

Happiness is not just a choice we make; it is more of a prize. We need to constantly search for what makes us happy, and once we have found it we need not be lax about it. It's like swimming in the ocean to get to an island; we need to do everything to stay afloat and to get there. A wave or storm may throw us down once in a while but we must not give up, no matter how lost we are at sea and no matter how difficult it is; we need to get back up for air and reach or search for our island.

So, I will not just choose happiness; I will fight for it with everything I got. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and win the prize. 'Cause, even though I may not be always happy, in every sense of the word, I am alive and that's enough...for now.

BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN

Lovely Asian blondes

They say that blondes have more fun- do they?
I think so. Several studies showed that blondes tend to be single longer than brunettes; now that's fun!

As a typical dark-haired Pinay, I've always dreamt of having golden locks. But I haven't gotten the guts to go completely blonde yet so I just asked my little brother to edit this old pic of me on photoshop (cause my photoshop skills are still on "dumb blonde" level-pun intended).

The result was awesome! I love it! I think I look like the lovely Tricia Gosingtian! Should I go blonde for real? What do you think?

J RELATES TO EFFY

I adore Skins so much! If you haven't seen an episode of Skins yet; I am telling you, you are missing out on half of your life. Each character in the series is quite unique but Kaya Scodelario's character, Effy Stonem, is whom I like the most. It's because I see so much of myself on her (a less "wild" version, if I might say).

(?)

from: http://ncampbelll.tumblr.com/page/2

from: http://mygoldencrown.tumblr.com/

from: http://favim.com/image/168651/

maybe I'll break yours... from: katpocket.tumblr.com

I refused to show and know love that's why I thought nobody could break my heart.

from: http://effys.tumblr.com/post/1456451984/more-effy-stonem-quotes

But I can do nothing to stop this madness.

from: http://feefyefofum.tumblr.com/post/2450860283

Despite Effy's usual composure, she soon becomes "off the rails" after her parents' split. I came "off the rails"  too after mine's.

from: http://effys.tumblr.com/post/1457298205/effy-i-went-crazy-when-i-was-with-you-i-cant

Effy: "I went crazy when I was with you! I can’t let that happen again, love’s not supposed to do that, you made me go mad!"

Freddie: "You’re making me mad now, Effy… And that’s exactly what love's supposed to do!"

Does love really make people go mad? I'm mad. Does that mean I'm in love? (yuck)

Effy : Here. You're the hole that fits mine. The moment i saw you, I knew it'd be the closest I'd get to being close. I didn't know what to do with that feeling - happiness.

Freddie : Listen, Effy, you are closest. I'm ever gonna...

Effy : But they know now. And they're hungry. Really fucking hungry! Because for as long as I know, they've been chasing me. And now they're ready, now they're strong enough to break through, and i can't fight them. I used to be strong enough to break through, and I can't fight them. I used to be able to when i was strong, but... You've made me weak. But now I can't, I can't...

ABSOLUTELY.

HAPPY DAY

My 2nd eldest sister treated me to a buffet-style-eat-all-you-can lunch at Chef d' Angelo today. Nope, it's not her birthday nor mine. She just want to treat me cause I'm such a good sister. Hehe. Anyway, the food was so-so; it's just fine. It's pretty cheap for a lunch considering it's a full course meal (sans the dessert). I'm pretty much happy cause we  were able to get our money's worth (I mean, my sister got her money's worth.hehe.) for we went out with full, satisfied, bulging tummies after. Good thing I  decided to wear a loose t-shirt! ;)


This is what I had:

ROUND 1

ROUND 2!

INTENSE!!! :)

I grabbed this new chocolate bar at the grocery store afterwards cause of all the guilt of gluttony, I felt like I needed some serotonin boost. Boy, it was divine!!! Blueberries, dark chocolate, corn flakes, happy hormones: it's everything I want in an intensely delicious chocolate bar! Not to mention it's only 210 kcal! Not bad for something this delish!


I just love free food & dark chocolates ! SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA! IT'S SO NICE TO BE HAPPY!
isn't it? :)

ALWAYS IN THIS TWILIGHT

Why do you always have to show up whenever I feel like I finally have the guts to move on?
Like you're still holding on to me.
Why do you, and only you of all the people on earth, have this power over me?
Like you're the only one who can make my life come to life.
Why do you have to make me feel this way; as though we somehow have a connection?
Like you and I are soul mates.
Do you feel the same way too?



“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

FOX RAIN

I still don't understand love

So I cannot get any closer

But why does my foolish heart

keep pounding?

I'm haunted by you again and again

I just can't get away

This hopeless love

hurts my heart so much

Going from day to night

you're all I think about

Being so pitiful and silly

what should I do?

Heart follows love

what am i going to do?

this hopeless love 

hurts my heart so much

The day when my pain fades away

will that day ever come?

being so pitiful and silly

what can I do after all

The moonlight is beautiful

I just can't get away

let me lie down by your side for a moment

a moment, just a moment

The weather here has gone pretty much like me these past  few days; manic.


Mornings were so hot that I always wake up all sweaty, uneasy, and feeling so close to dying from heat stroke. Then in the afternoon it will just rain all of a sudden. It's just so weird that I'm starting to wonder if foxes suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) too, hence the frequent fox rains.


I was really thankful that another fox rain (or sunshower) gave a brief relief from the heat early this afternoon. Feeling exhausted, I immediately fell asleep and dreamt of you...again. 


I know I should have already let go of you by now and shouldn't be dreaming of you anymore. You've already found your happiness so I should move on and be happy too. But I just can't. 


I've always thought that I'm the most logical person and I'm most of the time, if not always, right. I thought I would be happy and that I could make it without you but I was wrong. 
I guess it's really true that you'll never know what you got till it's gone. 


I think I'm going insane and the only cure seems to be someone. 


Someone who checks on how am I doing whenever I feel like nobody cares. 
Someone who understands whenever I feel like nobody gets how I feel.
Someone who makes me smile whenever I feel there's no reason to be happy.
Someone who calms me down whenever I feel anxious about everything.
Someone who can prove me wrong.


Unfortunately the only person who has ever done that is you. I need you to be that someone. I want you to be my someone.


But I very well know there's no sense in wishing for something impossible to come true. I must accept the fact that it's already impossible for you to be my someone. 


You might say: "Nothing is impossible...blah-blah-blah..." 
If nothing is indeed impossible, then we are nothing. 


Still, I can't help wishing for the impossible even though I am nothing. What on earth should I do? I might as well wish to be a fox in my next life, till then you'll know how much I miss you each time a sun shower falls.

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

Today is my Dad's 66th Birthday.


I just realized that I can't remember the last time I've greeted him a Happy Birthday. Perhaps that was way too long ago when I was still too young to remember things. Or maybe because I just don't see the point in wishing him a happy birthday when I really don't want that for him. For the longest time,I felt like he did not deserve happiness when I was not happy myself.

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.  ~James Openheim

I have been searching for true happiness (like who else doesn't?) but it's just now that I've realized I've been looking for it in the wrong places. 


Happiness is a choice. We, ourselves, are the only ones who can choose what would make us happy. And that, one can only be happy when you share your happiness with others for happiness held is a seed; and happiness shared is the flower.


I know it's already late now but I still believe in the saying : "It's better late than never!"

HAPPY Birthday Daddy!  

I really wish with all my heart that you are truly happy now...wherever you are. For if you already found happiness, I can hope that someday I'll be able to find it too.

me with my brother and sister @ my father's grave

MY TOP TEN FAVORITE LOOKBOOKERS

I just realized that today is my 3rd monthsary of being a lookbooker! Yeay!

I'm not really active in posting my own looks but I've been hooked on hyping and fanning. I just love browsing through different wonderful looks . And what I love the most about this site is that it makes me feel like I'm on a fashion magazine but only better! Because this site offers not only a lot of inspiration and eye-candy but social interaction as well.

It's like being able to talk to supermodels whose pictures you have torn from numerous magazines and be able to tell her/him/them how much you love her/him/them! Aside from that, you are free to share your own looks to inspire others too. Now, how cool is that?

In the span of 3 months, I have posted 2 looks (sorry I'm lazy), gained 43 average karma (I am really happy. I know for some this might not be a significant number but for me it's already huge! I wasn't expecting to get any hypes at all!), gathered 8 fans and fanned almost a hundred of lookbook members (lookbookers).

So in line of the celebration of my 3rd month of being a lookbooker, I've decided to come up with a list of my top ten favorite lookbookers. It was kinda hard to pick just 10 for I love everybody that I've fanned but I can't deny that each one of them have earned their own special place in my heart. So without further ado, let's start the count down!

10. Mike Motsok


I love Mike Motsok! I instantly became a fan after hyping the first look that I saw from him. His looks are just so captivating! And don't even get me started with his sexy tattoos! Hehe. He is just flawless ( I even like his uneven eyes)! Unfortunately, his LB account got deleted for some strange reason and he had to start all over again. For the meantime you can just check his blog here and here if you want more of this hottie!

9. Konstantina Tzagaraki
Konstantina is a very stylish, gorgeous and equally sweet woman. Her style is really not what I would prefer as inspiration for my own but her looks are just fabulous. She regularly updates so you won't get tired and bored by her looks. Aside from that, she replies to each (I think so cos each comment I make is always given a sweet reply) comment made on her looks that's why it's very hard not to fall in love with her style. The only drawback is that she doesn't have a blog yet. Sigh. But she said she will come up with one very soon.

8. Thelma Malna
Thelma is like the sweetest looking girl with gothic style I've ever seen in lookbook. I think it's just amazing how she manage to be so cute beyond all the dark clothes she wears. Do you agree with me?  I just love her white blonde hair and red lips in combination with her outfits. You can check out more of her here.

7. Cheyser Pedregosa

Cheyser P. may not be the hottest Filipina lookbooker but she's my favorite. Her style is really not my type but I still get a lot of inspiration from her looks. I specially love her blog The walking recessionista because of her online shopping tips for fashion savvy girls like me.



6. Vini Uehara
You won't help it but have a crush on Vini. Can you? Cos I can't. I mean, how can I? He is soooo adorable. He is a very talented Brazilian (I think all Brazilians are born hot. It's so unfair) designer plus he have this quirky-fun-rocker style that is so unique. Just take a look on his blog here and then tell me honestly afterwards if it didn't make you like him as well. ;)

I had the hardest time in choosing the order for my top five for they're the lookbookers who really inspire me the most. I have religiously hyped & saved my heart for their looks and their blog posts are what I constantly check on my reading list. In short, these 5 people are the ones I stalk the most. ;)


5. LUA P.

I love Lua's style the most because I think  it's the closest to my own. There's just an overflowing amount of inspiration coming out of her. For me she's the perfect epitome of a rocker chick in the 20th century. And with her trade mark flame-like red ombred hairstyle, I think she won't be going anywhere out of style for a long while. http://www.le-happy.com/


4. AMANDA BROHMAN

Amanda is my girl crush in Lookbook. Her face is one of the most beautiful I've ever seen and she kinda reminds me of Cassie Ainsworth from Skins. She have this unique-and-sweet-girly style and I think she's somebody whom everyone will love to be friends with. Get more from this lovely girl on The Style Gossiper.






3. ANNIKA M.

I look up to Annika not only for her fashion style but because of a lot of other things. I love her beauty, her talent and passion in writing, her courage, her honesty, her struggles, I just love her. Visit According to Annika and I bet you'll love her too. :)






**The last 2 lookbookers are my ultimate loves. I know now how it is to feel like wishing you have two hearts instead of one! Ok. I'm being silly. I really wish I can squish them both in the top place but they're two totally different persons. This made me remember how annoyed I was whenever I get tied with another classmate for the top place in the honor roll in grade school. I just felt like it's so unfair but here I am doing something that used to annoy me. Anyway, my top 2 lookbookers are:




2.  BOBBY RAFFIN

I vividly remember this look as the first one I've ever commented on. I basically signed up because I wanted to leave comments too! Haha! And you can only imagine how happy I was to get a reply! I just love Bobby from the very first time I laid eyes on him (sooo cheesy! I know! Haha!). My sister even scolded me for obsessing over him cause according to her, Bobby is gay. And ever as stubborn as I am, I instantly said: "I don't care what he is. I love him." (this is sooo much cheesier than the other one) Okay, I'm going to stop embarrassing myself now. You can visit his blog here to understand more about my obsession. Hehe.


1. EBBA ZINGMARK

Red-haired Taylor Swift twin. I SOOOO LOVE EBBA Z!!!



I hope you had fun with me in counting down my top ten favorite lookbookers. Let me know who are yours too! Thanks!  :)

THE ODD AND THE RITE

Ok. So I've been experiencing a relapse. This is my sickness. Once I feel okay (meaning I don't feel like I want to die anymore), I become hesitant to put effort in staying okay. So far I've been doing good (I think, feel and hope so) but I still have problems with adhering to my daily schedule because of my insomnia.

This week I was experiencing another cycle of my vampire-zombie sleeping pattern wherein I would not sleep for 2 days straight and then I would have a 4-6 hour sleep the day after and so on and so forth.

I know I should adhere to my daily schedule for that's what would help me get well, but I just can't. On the other hand I am reluctant to take sleeping pills because I'm afraid I might get tempted to OD once my mood get switchy.

Anyway, so the other day during my zombie mode, I was just surfing around the net about different treatments for depression. Then I stumbled upon pretty odd things. The oddest one was salt water spiritual remedy.

This method suggests that "spirits" ( which includes demons, ghosts, entities, etc) that attaches to humans can cause distress to them. These spirits can transfer their black energy and create large stores of it in our bodies which in turn can create a variety of problems such as depression, unclear thinking or organ malfunctions. These spirits apparently won't leave the person which it has attached to unless it has sucked out all the energy of the person which will eventually result to death. (Freaky! IKR?)

Read on if you want more freaky-ness.

According to the spiritual research foundation, each one of us is affected by ghosts to varying degrees. As a result, we all have some degree of black energy in our bodies. It is difficult to get rid of this black energy except through a generalized spiritual remedy such as spiritual practice or a more specific one like the salt water remedy. Performing the salt water treatment on a daily basis helps to remove this black energy from our body.

Salt water treatment should especially be done when one experiences symptoms such as:

• Lethargy 
• Reduction in promptness
• Inability to think
• Excessive thoughts especially when they are negative in nature
• Anger or any other extreme emotion
• Stress
• Any form of physical illness

When we are experiencing any one of the above symptoms, we are in a weakened state physically, emotionally or spiritually. The ghosts attack us in this weakened state and infuse more black energy and play up the symptoms to an even greater extent.

The picture below is a subtle picture of a ghost causing depression in a person.

This totally freaked me out.  Seriously, this whole concept fucked my head up even more.

Okay, so I'm not really a spiritual person. After reading this, I was like: "Hell no. This can't be real!". But on the back of my mind, I  know that there can be a possible truth here. And after I watched the movie "The Rite" ( a not so typical movie about exorcism) I became more curious to know more about the relationship of depression and possession

I would like to cite a few quotes from Father Lucas Trevant (this character made me love Anthony Hopkins even more) in the movie which I found very relative and striking:

"You be careful Michael, choosing not to believe in the devil will not protect you from it."

"Early signs of possession are subtle- social withdrawal, persistent tremor..." 

(I can totally relate to this. I've always been kind of a loner but this past months I got too depressed I won't come out of the house and even cut out all possible connections to my friends and the outside world. Regarding the tremors, I have this uncontrollable habit of shaking my leg when I'm idle. Am I being possessed???)

" You know,  the interesting thing about skeptics, is that they're always looking for proof... the question is, what on earth would we ever do if we found it?"

"Does a thief  turn on the lights while he's robbing your house? No. He prefers you to believe that he's not there... like the devil!" 

Father Lucas:"Tell me Michael, do you believe in sin?"

Michael: "Yes, I just don't believe that the devil makes us do it." 

 The last line felt like I was Michael. I've always believe that we are the sole captains of our lives and that we make our own mistakes and decisions without outside forces affecting them. I was an atheist once and now an agnostic and I've always been skeptical about the existence of good and evil. 


But that was before, all of these things made me realize that although I've turned my back on religion, I can't turn my back on God. Being born and raised as a Catholic, I can't deny the fact that a part of me still believes in God. I just seem to have lost it. I just hope I would still be able to find my faith back. And then maybe, just maybe, I would find my "old" (the happy and mania and depression-free) self too.

P.S. I might give the salt therapy a chance. As they say, it doesn't hurt to try and I have nothing to lose anyway. Right? ;)

NAIL ARTS

Tiger nails! RAWR!

It's so hard to paint the right hand. How I wish I am ambidextrous.

Newspaper nails! Probably the easiest nail art ever.

strawberry nails c/o my sis Joyce

I did my left hand & on the right was my sister's work. Nice, eh?

lady bug nails are cute!

these galaxy nails are quite laborsome to do but they're worth it!

without stars (dots)

with stars (dots)

I have a secret to share: I am not a huge fan of accessories. The closest thing to accessories I wear are my nails. I love painting my nails! The process is just so relaxing and whenever I see the finish product (though it may not be perfect) I feel a certain sense of fulfillment. Pride and joy. :)

Do you think they're pretty? Yes or no? (I'll crawl out of your laptop and scare the hell out of you if you say no! Haha! JK!)

I got these awesome nail art ideas from watching youtube videos. My favorites are from cutepolish and ihaveacupcake. I am a novice compared to their talents. Check out cutepolish's galaxy nail art tutorial below! Galaxy prints are so in nowadays so why not wear them on your nails too? This is so easy and with just a little patience and practice, you'll end up with gorgeous nails that are so hard not to fall in love with. ;)

I WANNA DO BAD THINGS WITH YOU

FPJ pose! lol

This post is over a month behind now. I took these photos when True Blood  Season 4 was still on and  just nearing its end. I decided to (finally) post these here cos I'm feeling quite ok now, but I'm just missing True Blood so bad! I'm wearing my favorite TB logo shirt and denim shorts (which I rolled up so you can have a better look on my thunder thighs! Haha!) with my black booties over fishnet stockings (you can't really notice I'm wearing one except for the black outlines on my legs.fail.)

This is my first look on lookbook.nu and chictopia! Hype and vote away if you like! :)

 Thanks!