ALWAYS IN THIS TWILIGHT

Why do you always have to show up whenever I feel like I finally have the guts to move on?
Like you're still holding on to me.
Why do you, and only you of all the people on earth, have this power over me?
Like you're the only one who can make my life come to life.
Why do you have to make me feel this way; as though we somehow have a connection?
Like you and I are soul mates.
Do you feel the same way too?



“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

FOX RAIN

I still don't understand love

So I cannot get any closer

But why does my foolish heart

keep pounding?

I'm haunted by you again and again

I just can't get away

This hopeless love

hurts my heart so much

Going from day to night

you're all I think about

Being so pitiful and silly

what should I do?

Heart follows love

what am i going to do?

this hopeless love 

hurts my heart so much

The day when my pain fades away

will that day ever come?

being so pitiful and silly

what can I do after all

The moonlight is beautiful

I just can't get away

let me lie down by your side for a moment

a moment, just a moment

The weather here has gone pretty much like me these past  few days; manic.


Mornings were so hot that I always wake up all sweaty, uneasy, and feeling so close to dying from heat stroke. Then in the afternoon it will just rain all of a sudden. It's just so weird that I'm starting to wonder if foxes suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) too, hence the frequent fox rains.


I was really thankful that another fox rain (or sunshower) gave a brief relief from the heat early this afternoon. Feeling exhausted, I immediately fell asleep and dreamt of you...again. 


I know I should have already let go of you by now and shouldn't be dreaming of you anymore. You've already found your happiness so I should move on and be happy too. But I just can't. 


I've always thought that I'm the most logical person and I'm most of the time, if not always, right. I thought I would be happy and that I could make it without you but I was wrong. 
I guess it's really true that you'll never know what you got till it's gone. 


I think I'm going insane and the only cure seems to be someone. 


Someone who checks on how am I doing whenever I feel like nobody cares. 
Someone who understands whenever I feel like nobody gets how I feel.
Someone who makes me smile whenever I feel there's no reason to be happy.
Someone who calms me down whenever I feel anxious about everything.
Someone who can prove me wrong.


Unfortunately the only person who has ever done that is you. I need you to be that someone. I want you to be my someone.


But I very well know there's no sense in wishing for something impossible to come true. I must accept the fact that it's already impossible for you to be my someone. 


You might say: "Nothing is impossible...blah-blah-blah..." 
If nothing is indeed impossible, then we are nothing. 


Still, I can't help wishing for the impossible even though I am nothing. What on earth should I do? I might as well wish to be a fox in my next life, till then you'll know how much I miss you each time a sun shower falls.