TANGLED

The Things We Can't Let Go Of by Lissy Elle

I have a problem but I can't tell what it is exactly. All I know is that these past few days I'm awake in the wee hours again. Tonight was no different. I just finally got tired of staring blankly at the ceiling while I lay in bed sleepless. So to spice things up a bit I decided to have a staring contest with a blank blog page while counting the number of blinks the cursor makes before my eyes bleed. Seriously, I'm just thinking maybe if I somehow find the will to write something down I can figure it out. I try to psyche myself out a little. Write something for your sanity's sake my dear. Just anything you feel like writing. Boom! There, I finally got it. That's exactly my problem. I don't know what to write cos I don't know what I feel.

They say that balance is always the key. Well, key to what? To where? A promise land where everything works in perfect harmony? A beautiful place between mania and melancholy? We've been through the ups and downs of life but still we know little about this place.

The Big Bang of mania is over. Now what? A light has entered the black hole. Now what?

Mania and  melancholy scares me but nothing more than what's in between does. Though completely aware of this bizarre place-or moment or whatever you may call it- I still find myself inevitably tangled up in it's strangeness and charm. Isn't being in between supposed to make me feel better? Apparently not.

What's in between is no paradise. It makes you feel nothing. Like you're an unknown speck of matter just floating inconspicuously around the universe. As if you're enclosed in a glass box where you watch everything move fast and fade into a blur. It makes you tired from doing nothing and yet makes sleep even harder to find when night time comes. It's something that makes you sick but you just can't quit. Well, that's what it feels like to me.

Have I reached the event horizon? I hope not. I can only wish that this is just a tangle of space that I've been caught into and that I can somehow find a way to escape it. If only I can find the will to do so. Someone please infect me with a little zest in life. Anyone? To those who will give a damn, bless your hearts and thanks in advance.