I'M MY OWN WORST ENEMY

Source: tumblr.com via Shelby on Pinterest

What's wrong with you?
What are you thinking?
What are you doing with your life?
Answer me.




Nothing.




Fuck.
All I want to do right now is to kick the hell out of this idiot and yell 'Wake up you dumb ass!'


You're not like this before.
What happened to you?
Where's that person who fights and doesn't give up?
C'mon, I know you're there.
Answer me.




She's dead, you stupid.






I'm really, really, really, -another really- pissed off with myself right now. I'm feeling and thinking a lot of different things lately but I just can't bring myself to put them down into words. I honestly want to write and share all of these feelings and thoughts but they're just so many I can't even decide where to begin. So, I just decided not to post anything...until today.

Last Monday, I just passed up on another great job opportunity for some stupid reason (now that I'm somewhat sane I find it extremely stupid) and yesterday I went to a party and then left after 3 minutes and 49 seconds of being there just because I don't know. I just suddenly felt like 'what the hell am I doing here?!'. I mean, what kind of person does these things? Only a lunatic, right?

I'm lost. It's like I don't know what I want. I'm not even sure if I want anything at all.

I feel like I don't know myself anymore. It's like I got into this freak car accident and for some bizarre reason, I survived but I just can't bring myself to get hold of the steering wheel again. No matter what I do I just can't bring myself back to life. And this really frustrates me so much that I want to scream and kick and jump right off a cliff.

I'm really good (in my opinion but you can always argue with that if you want) at giving advice and motivating others but when it comes to my problems, I'm my own worst enemy . To think that 'practice what you preach' is my mantra. Well, it seems like not anymore.

God, I would give everything to get ME back. I am so fed up, ashamed, frustrated and disappointed with this dead person I've become. I don't want to point fingers at anyone cos I know I'm at fault too but come to think of it, all of this is because of you. You know who you are. I hope.

There's one thing I want to say

so I'll be brave.

You're all that I wanted.

I gave what I gave.

I'm not sorry it's over.

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.