“When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” -Seneca
I replied, "Uh...I don't know."
Bad answer. I can see the look on her face as if saying, "What a poor thing."
"You have to know what you want to achieve in your life. Even if you don't know yet, you have to take advantage of every opportunity that comes to you. Curve balls will always be thrown at you along the way and you just can't quit every time this happens..."
Her words hit me like a splash of cold water and the last six are what hit home.
"Besides, you're not getting any younger."
They say everyone gets to a point in their life where one questions their purpose. Some call it "the mid-life crisis" and I am no virgin to this. What's my purpose in life? Why do I exist? These are the biggest questions we throw ourselves at one point or another. I've been desperately looking for answers while trying to make sense out of everything that happens in between. But I am so jaded in life, my purpose has long been just to take whatever life throws at me every day and ultimately wait for my death. I didn't have a "purpose". I am contented in living within my bubble filled with mediocracy surrounded by negativity, complaints and dissatisfaction. Well, I was, until now.
I've longed search for happiness but to no avail. I always end up asking (and singing to) myself:
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life's been throwing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?
That's so corny. I know. Sorry. I'll stop now.
My answer to those questions have always been no. Why? It's just today that it dawn on me the very reason why. I just realized that the things I thought I want are not really what I wanted and it's mainly because I've been gauging my happiness based on other people's standards. I've been living out other people's purpose instead of mine.
I want to stop living aimlessly without a purpose. I want to step out of the shadows. I want to change. I want to exist. I want to live.
I'll be turning 24 this year and as much as I hate to admit it, yes, I am not getting any younger. And so are you. It's time to make our move.
*The conversation above is what transpired yesterday between me and my manager when I gave my resignation letter.
